This is Part Three in our four-part review series of Joshua Harris’ book – I Kissed Dating Goodbye. Part 1 and Part 2 have been out previously.

Have a good read!

CHAPTER 8 – STARTING WITH A CLEAN SLATE

In this chapter, the author clearly illustrates four important steps for getting on the right track with God’s plan. The four steps are as follows:

1. Start with a clean slate: To build a godly lifestyle, we must repent of sinful attitudes and behaviours in our relationships. We should endeavour to correct all forms of selfishness and ask God for the courage to break off all unhealthy relationships. Most times, starting with a clean slate doesn’t always involve a break up. Sometimes, it simply means refocusing a relationship from heading in the wrong direction. However, whether you have to break up or refocus a relationship, approach the other person humbly, stressing on your desire to please God.
2. Make your parents your teammates: To start on a clean slate towards relationships, you need parental wisdom and accountability. If your parents are unavailable as a result of distance, death or separation, ask God to show you a mentor who will give you wisdom and accountability in your relationship.
3. Establish protective boundaries: You need to establish boundaries and guidelines for your relationships with the opposite sex. Rules by themselves won’t change our hearts, but once we’ve taken on a new attitude, protective boundaries can help keep us on course.
4. Check who’s whispering in your ear: Keep an eye on those who influence you. Stop reading books or watching movies that would lead you to compromise your standard. Finally, let’s honestly evaluate the influence of what we watch, what we listen to and who we hang out with.

Following the four steps in this chapter will help us put our convictions into actions.

CHAPTER 9 – JUST FRIENDS IN A “JUST DO IT” WORLD

There is a thin line between friendship and “more than friendship.” Sometimes, our friendship with the opposite sex unconsciously tilts from friendship to romance. However, it is very important to know that girls and guys can have life-enriching, non-romantic relationships. These relationships help us to see life from a different perspective.

There are three important steps that will help us maintain healthy friendships with the opposite sex:

1. Understand the difference between friendship and intimacy: Friendship is about something other than the two people in the relationship; intimacy is about each other. Understanding the difference helps us stay within the bounds of friendship until we are ready for the responsibility of an intimate relationship.
2. Be inclusive, not exclusive: Include others in your friendship instead of isolating yourself with just one person. This should stem from a sincere desire to involve as many people as possible in fellowship and service.
3. Seek opportunities to be served, not to be entertained: When we shift our relationship from entertainment to service, our friendships move from a focus on ourselves, to the focus on the people we serve. Therefore, in service, we find true friendship. Produce before you consume; serve before you seek entertainment.

Conclusively, it is important to guard our friendships, to respect the limitations of guy-girl friendships and relate to others within the framework given by God’s word.

CHAPTER 10 – GUARD YOUR HEART

The human heart is very fragile and can be easily swayed in the wrong direction. It is very important to protect yourself from your heart’s sinfulness. Failure to do this would make the rest of our lives dirty and stagnant. There are pollutants that manifest themselves in relationships such as infatuation, lust and self-pity. We must watch out for these three (3) things in guarding our heart.

1. Infatuation: We must come against idolising people, especially of the opposite sex in our imagination through fantasies.
2. Lust: To uphold purity, we must fight lust; sexual desires of people within our heart. We must detest it with the same intensity as God does.
3. Self-Pity: Self-Pity is a sinful response to feelings of loneliness. It is the worship of our circumstance.

The job of guarding our heart is a big responsibility. In honest prayer and meditation on God’s word, we scrape the film of infatuation, lust and self-pity from our hearts.

CHAPTER 11 – YOU DON’T DATE? WHAT ARE YOU, NUTS?

This chapter explicitly gives ideas for confidently communicating your decision to presently avoid dating. We all face the pressure to conform to the expectations for relationships by our culture and society. When we don’t conform to their standards, we’re often the subject of mockery. Still we have to learn to stand by our convictions without becoming bitter towards those who disagree with us or make fun of us. In communicating our decisions to presently avoid dating, we should communicate our convictions about dating with humility and from a desire to please God and not to put others down.

It is important to know that you’ll definitely encounter individuals who do not care about values or biblical principles on dating. Secondly, just know that you don’t have to prove someone wrong to do what you know is right. Don’t concentrate on being right in the eyes of others. Instead, concentrate on obeying God in your own life, and when possible, helping others to obey Him as well.

Thirdly, our primary purpose for communicating with others should be their encouragement and growth. Your main goal is to humbly communicate what you feel God has shown you to encourage your friends and contribute to their growth.

Download the complete Part Three Review: I Kissed Dating Goodbye – Part 3

Also in this series: 

I Kissed Dating Goodbye – Part 4

Compiled by

Book Review Team – Writers’ Club

MFM Int’l Headquarters Youth Church