Oluwamayowa Adeniyi
No one prays to marry a non-entity but many end up marrying such because of what they ignored. Some people are driven by purpose in life while the sole aim of others is to pleasurably pass away along the path of life. Entering into marriage with such folks who only love pleasure will make your life miserable and you’d become a philosopher. It is good to enjoy the pleasures of one’s effort but it is worse to pursue pleasure without having made any effort. Moreover, the fulfillment of purpose must come before you desire to enjoy the labor of your hand.
Dear ladies, God designed marriage for the fulfillment of purpose. He made Adam, gave Him a purpose worth living for before the need of making him a help meet. Eve would be useless in Adam’s life if she married him without having any purpose to live for. It is good to marry a man who matches your ‘specs’ but it’s best to know if those specs are geared towards fulfilling purpose in life. If your aim for marriage is all about romance, will romance sustain marriage forever?
For ladies who are purpose driven and would want to continue in that pattern, here are the questions you need to ask yourself and sincerely answer. These questions don’t negate the place of prayer for seeking God’s guidance. You must watch and pray so that your married life won’t become a shadow of your single life.
What are these questions?
- Can I help him fulfill purpose?
The primary role of a woman in the life of a man when it comes to marriage is for her to become a help meet to him. Other things such as having children, companionship or sexual satisfaction are secondary.
You can’t be a help meet for all men. Some men, because of ego or their archaic beliefs don’t see women as a plus to their life. They believe they belong to the ‘kitchen and other room’.
If you’re bent on fulfilling purpose and you marry this kind of man, your purpose in their lives will be abused. If he doesn’t have a godly purpose to live for, you can’t help him fulfill it.
So watch him; consider what he often talks about and the cause he lives for. Pay attention in watching him and don’t be carried away by the ephemeral things he lavishly spends on you.
- Can I learn from him?
Except in rare cases, women are meant to marry a man they can learn from. It’ll be difficult to cope in marriage if you don’t have anything to learn from him, you’ll only be an extension of your single life in marriage.
A man is meant to be ahead of the woman, this isn’t about being richer or the wealthiest; it’s about his ability to lead and guard.
Do you have anything you can learn from him? It’s not about sexual positions or styles; it’s about learning what would become a plus to your life and purpose.
- Does he have a relationship with his Head?
God is the head of Christ, Christ is the head of a man and a man is the head of a woman. Does he have a relationship with Christ?
It’ll be very difficult to cope in a marriage where the man doesn’t have a relationship with God. Mentor or no mentor, if he doesn’t have an intimate relationship with God, the mentors around him will just be a figure head.
It is when he is accountable to God that he can be faithful and accountable to you. When he has a relationship with God, he’ll lead you closer to Him.
But if he has no relationship with God and you marry him, the outcome of your marriage will be a replica of what influences him, whether people or things.
- Does he understand who a woman is in his life?
Only few men in this age appreciate the role of women in their lives, this is why abuse on women is on the increase.
Don’t expect him to treat you anyhow better if he believes in the ancient philosophies of how women are to be treated – make babies, cook, raise the children and keep the home. They are to do these but it is secondary.
But when he understands your purpose in his life, he won’t abuse you and he’d carry you along in his journey towards purpose fulfillment.
- Will he make my life better than this?
Iron sharpens iron. If as a purpose driven lady you blindly marry a man who is pleasure seeking, your life will be a misery in marriage.
A man that would make your life better is one that would take you closer to God, add value to you, and make you better than how he met you. And if he’s not wise enough to keep you on your toes, he’ll bring you down to the dust when you marry him.
Watch him closely and know the kind of inputs he makes in your life. If all he’s good at is in the art of romance, what would happen when romance ceases? Mind you, romance isn’t strong enough to handle realities in marriage.
Asking these questions won’t make you inflate your ego, it’ll only guide you into knowing whom you should marry or not. The questions do not override the place of seeking the face of God in marriage.