Starting from now, we’ll be presenting monthly reviews of selected christian literature. We start with “I Kissed Dating Goodbye” by Joshua Harris. Have a good read.
PREAMBLE
Many teenagers and youths consider dating an essential part of life, a game, a chance to play at love and experiment with relationships. Many of these relationships have little or no direction and purpose. In the book “I Kissed Dating Goodbye”, Joshua Harris presents some revolutionary ideas on waiting and preparation for young singles towards relationships and marriage. The book, if read carefully and with an open mind has the potential to change the mind-set of our generation.
The book is divided into four parts of sixteen chapters. This month’s review focuses on Part One.
CHAPTER 1 – SMART LOVE
This chapter emphasizes the need for young Christians to have a different perspective towards love, purity and singleness; and the importance of practicing God’s perspective on love which the author regards as “smart love”. The author takes a cue on this love from Philippians 1:9-10. Smart love helps us to love appropriately by using our heads and hearts and not just our emotions. Smart love looks at the big picture which is, serving others, and glorifying God. When we do so, we position ourselves to receive what is God’s best in our lives. In conclusion, this chapter emphasises on the need for individuals to practically pursue purity and blamelessness in our motives.
CHAPTER 2 – THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY DEFECTIVE DATING
This chapter highlights the defective ways of dating and how it makes us “swerve” from God’s plan for us. Dating according to the world’s standard can be highly detrimental. The following are seven habits of highly defective dating as explained by the author:
- Dating leads to intimacy but not necessarily commitment: Intimacy without commitment awakens emotional and physical desires that neither parties can justly meet. Therefore, intimacy without commitment is like the icing without the cake that makes us sick.
- Dating tends to skip the friendship stage of a relationship: In dating, romantic attraction is usually the basis thereby neglecting the need to build or develop friendship.
- Dating often mistakes a physical relationship for love: Physical involvement can lead to unwise choices that might later make both parties to live in guilt and regret.
- Dating often isolates a couple from other vital relationships: Dating can make those involved to isolate themselves from gainful relationships with those who love and support them.
- Dating in many cases distracts young adults from their primary responsibility of preparing for the future: They get carried away that they seem not to focus on developing their God-given abilities and skills.
- Dating can cause discontentment with God’s gift of singleness: Instead of enjoying the unique gifts of singleness, lots of young people tend to focus on what they do not have.
- Dating creates an artificial environment for evaluating another person’s character: Dating creates an unreal atmosphere that hinders the parties involved from discovering their true characteristics.
In conclusion, this chapter reveals dating has several defects that cannot be fixed by merely dating right.
CHAPTER 3 – FIVE ATTITUDE CHANGES TO HELP YOU AVOID DEFECTIVE DATING
This chapter clearly outlines the attitudes that God wants Christians to have that will help to break out of defective dating habits. Using Ephesians 4: 22-24, the author explains the first step to break out of negative dating habits.
- Every relationship is an opportunity to model Christ’s love: Love should be practiced as God commands and defines it. Therefore, it should be pure, sincere, servant-hearted and selfless.
- My unmarried years are a gift from God: Realising God’s gift of one’s singleness helps one to benefit from the opportunities that God has for us.
- Intimacy is the reward of commitment: I do not need to pursue a romantic relationship before I am ready for marriage. God expects us to wait patiently and not seek for means to gratify our emotional and physical needs in ways that would compromise our relationship with Him.
- I cannot own someone outside of marriage: You cannot lay claim on another person’s time, affection and future before marriage.
- I will avoid situations that could compromise the purity of my body or mind: Purity is more than remaining a virgin. Young adults need to avoid settings that would compromise their sexual purity or encourage lustful temptations
In summary, choosing to “kiss dating goodbye” does not mean rejecting friendship with the opposite sex, companionship, romance or marriage. We can still pursue these things but we have to do so on God’s terms and in God’s time.
Download the complete Part One review: I Kissed Dating Goodbye – Part 1
Also in this series:
I Kissed Dating Goodbye – Part 2
I Kissed Dating Goodbye – Part 3
I Kissed Dating Goodbye – Part 4
Compiled by
Book Review Volunteer Team – MFM HQ Youth Church Writers Club
Since I’m an avoidant, all I see is: “These are umpteen reasons to be afraid of relationships – it’s safer to just not date, or court, or have friends or any kind relationship because they’ll eventually turn their back on you and you’ll be alone.”
What I needed is a Christianity that that didn’t feed my avoidance, but gently helped me to overcome it. But that’s not what I got. I’m still an avoidant.